Say what???

In the Incredible But True department, which is just down the hall on the left, is this photo, courtesy of my friend, comedian Joey Villagomez.  Now I love the Dollar Store, but steak???? That's taking the saving money thing way too far.  Very scary.

Next up from the creative types in the Incredible But True Dept. is this photo of La Michelle in her best hula hoop form.  I wonder if they gave her one of those weighted ones, which make all of the difference when you are going for the record.  They say she made 142 revolutions.   I won the hula hoop contest at our office Christmas Party a couple of years ago, but I cheated, I did it around my neck.

Now I ask you, would you have ever seen Laura Bush or Betty Ford out there on the lawn, not only hooping it up, but also clapping and thoroughly enjoying herself.  What does all of this mean for the rest of America?

Walk down the street in any American city.  The slovenliness and girth of most American women is astounding.  How can they be so rotund? The news recently has been full of stories and statistics about how uphappy women are and how they do all of the work of childraising, housework, homework, cooking, etc. AND they hold down full time jobs. Just managing a household with children should be enough to make most of us drop a few lbs.  Did we really need a Time Magazine poll to tell us this?  Men have definitely received the most benefit from the sexual revolution of the '70s and '80s.  They haven't changed a bit!  They still play golf for eight hours on the weekend, still leave their socks on the floor, still are clueless about children's schedules, and still pretend they don't know where the laundry detergent is kept. 

And yet they still won't pass ERA.  This image is from my favorite artist in the universe, Susan Baker, of Truro, MA.  As you can see, it was done in 1988.   Not much change there.  Ah, those were the days, marching down Michigan Ave. with LaDonna Harris, Gloria Steinham and Betty Freidan leading the parade of thosands of outraged women.  NO RESULT.  If we put Susan's slogan into practice, things would change lightning fast!

Yet, here is La Michelle.  Beautiful, smart, poised, with the belt going on at all times around that fabulous body.  She even has the girls make their own beds.  They seem like happy and well adjusted children despite the pressure of living in the White House.  I hope that some of her healthy eating prose does rub off on the American women who are killing themselves each time they put a Double Whopper with cheese in their mouths.  "Hey, can ya SuperSize it"?

Beauty and the Beast

Beauty need not be expensive. A little imagination can take your food, your clothes, your hair, and almost anything else to stylish heights. Take this simple salad in the never used martini glasses your sister gave your husband for Christmas 10 years ago. When I had my yard sale a few weeks ago I realized that I was selling things that could have been made into any number of eye pleasing delicacies.

Here is the mundane Bento Box. A staple of Japanese cuisine since the 14th century. Look what's in it. Some pasta shells, some edamame, some salami, maybe cheese, an egg. A perfect lunch! How tres chic to show up at the office and eat that at your desk. Your co-workers will be jealous, amazed, and generally won't know what to make of you. The bento boxes themselves are available in any large Asian market or on line. Almost makes you want to diet. Besides, sushi rolls are now available in most American supermarkets. As long as you don't buy ones with raw fish they will keep for a couple of days in the refrigerator. I was recently in a small rural town in Massachusetts, where my mother insists on shopping at the local Price Chopper, because she can get .10 - .20 off a gallon of gas if she buys enough Stouffer's Macaroni and Cheese. Even there there was a Japanese woman making fresh sushi. Add a roll to your bento box and stick it in the fridge. A cheap and beautiful lunch.

Now for the Beast. Last night I was on my way to a meeting and found myself with some time to kill so I stopped into the Sears store that was next door. I freely admit that other than appliances, I have never shopped at Sears. In fact the appliance dept. even has a separate entrance so I never saw the hideous and over priced clothing that they carry. I think most of it was designed by the same guy who designs the vacuum cleaners. They had horrible looking print blouses for $50, when the saps who were shopping there could have just walked across the parking lot and found something stylish and well made at Marshall's for $16.99.

I briefly considered telling them about Marshall's or at least posting some signage, but common sense got the better of me (a rare occurrence). Beauty is definitely in the eye of the beholder, but some eyes need corrective lenses.

All eyes on the bust for fall...

Now for the look that will knock them off their feet at your next job interview. Talk about getting noticed! This from Fall Louis Vuitton. Their eyes will definitely be on your bust - that is if you have one. The jacket looks reminiscent of one I have in the attic that I will need to dig out. Large shoulders, shapeless and long. Definitely not what is in my current use closet. I'm not really sure I want to see it again, but one must suffer for fashion. The bra and bust issue is less easily corrected. I saw Suzanne Sommers on the Today show this morning. She got the thigh thing down, but you could probably use the Thigh Master in your arms. If not, do what someone I know does and just wear three bras at once!

I talked last week about the new showing from Rodarte. This from the sisters Mulleavey. Everyone has a terrible old leather jacket in the back of the closet. Or a black leather pencil skirt from when they were a size 0 (when was that exactly). Why not cut them up and add them to a pair of existing black leather boots or little black dress. Voila! Louis Vuitton. Well, not exactly, but from a distance perhaps. A hot glue gun with a delicate hand is indispensable here. Watch out for the fabric that you are adhering the leather to. It may just melt under the heat of the glue. And forget about ever washing or dry cleaning the item again.

Halloween is just around the corner. If you don't want to sacrifice something in your attic, get thee to the thrift store. Make a test outfit. You'll find all kinds of leather pieces that noone can fit into anymore. A dominatrix look is always a hit at parties. Remember when Suzie wore the dominatrix costume on "Curb Your Enthusiasm"? Larry made Cheryl wear a burka.

Speaking of "Curb". Last night's episode was definitely the best one of this season. Larry dates two women in wheelchairs at the same time and one makes reference to the fact that they always hang out with Steven Hawking. Very, very, bad Larry, but very funny.

Mr. Bill Cunningham vs. M. Karl Lagerfeld

This romp in the hay has been joyously reported today by Bill Cunningham, the "On The Street" reporter at the NY Times. It depicts the recent Chanel show in Paris for which Mr., Lagerfeld built a barn in the Grand Palais. Only Mr. Cunningham calls it a "bahn" and each Sunday he transports me back to the Boston of my childhood. When I need a "fix" of New England I can always count on Bill Cunningham.

Not only is he usually right on about what he sees on the streets, spotting trends and absurdity, but he does it with panache and just the right touch of tongue in cheek. At eighty years old he rides his bike around New York City reporting on a different subject in a narrated slide show every week. It could be cute young men on their way to work with no socks on, absurd women's shoes, a color focus or rain gear. But I always come away with a much better sense of what to wear than I get out of the pages of Vogue, where they would have me in a full length Little Red Riding Hood cape and 6 in. crocodile booties, with some La Perla underneath. Not really practical.

Take today's "On The Street". Cunningham focused not on the Chanel show going on inside the Grand Palais, but instead on the totally chic Parisians who turned out at 10:30 to gain entrance to the show. One of the trends he spotted was removable organza cuffs tied with ribbons over beautiful black suits. I think I'll try to make some. Some years ago I bought some purple fur cuffs in Milan, which I still wear with black sweaters. I don't know why the trend was not more wide spread, but they still serve me well.

My daughter introduced me to a web site today - esty.com. It's where you can buy and sell handmade merchandise very easily. I've been trying to think of something to put up there, being a crafty, do it yourself, kind of gal, and once again Mr. Cunningham, you have come through with the answer. Merci beaucoup!

Isn't Family Grand?

Morticia Addams had it right. She is seated, beautiful, calm and collected at all times, while around her swirls this mass of insanity. Do you remember the episode when she asked some visitors "Do you mind if I smoke?" Then her chair started smoking. I try to be cool, calm and collected when the almost ex husband comes over and pretends that everything is OK and we are a perfect little family. But last night when I told him it was time for him to go home he looked a little confused.

My daughters and grand daughter are all here for the weekend and last night Ostrich Man decided that he was going to cook dinner for us and a couple of their friends. It really was an hysterical evening. Lots of reminiscing. The things they did when they were younger.... my personal favorite game was "Orphanage on the Appalachian Trail", combining camping out, building small fires, and creating a woeful existence in the orphanage. Then there was the game of "China", consisting of climbing over the stone wall (The Great Wall) and hiding out from marauders behind my neighbor's garage.

Of course these games had nothing compared to the one my sister and I used to play in our tree house, affectionately known as the "Pirate's Captain's Club". I'm not quite sure where that name came from but it obviously combined our love for pirates with some superiority complex. Where were the Barbies we were supposed to be playing with? They just weren't our thing.

Then one day two mean boys, Charlie and Alan, came and knocked it down. The Pirate's Captain's weren't so brave that day, hiding in the porch instead of brandishing our swords at them. I know lots of mean boys these days and I'm a lot braver now. Where's my saber???

City of Glittering Lights

Wouldn't this be a fantastic use of some of the less hospitable parts of the Chicago River. Only in Paris would they build these two glowing orbs, each with their own mutiplexes, cafes and outdoor terraces. Daley Lite has never been shy about stealing ideas from other cities, especially when they are prominent Sister Cities. You remember the hanging baskets of flowers, his beloved wrought iron fences, and now our very own Promenade Plantee (already given the much less romantic name Bloomington Trail). Can the public bikes be far behind?

I love creative urban architecture. Rem Koolhaus' tunnel that encases the elevated train tracks that bisect IIT is brilliant. Yes, they cost a little more money but they are crowd pleasers. That's why I really hope that Calatrava gets his spire built. Anyone can put up an ugly Trump Tower - but a spire curving up touch the clouds and even break through them would truly please all of the ground and air travelers.

The just completed Olympic bid was wildly expensive to pull off. I know that there were millions of corporate dollars already committed, should we have won. Why not use some of it to give us more Jaume Plensa - like fountains, and another Cloudgate. The the European IOC members who thought that Chicago wasn't "romantic" enough would have to be quiet. Or instead, just make sure that every child living in this ridiculouly sloganed - city of neighborhoods - has food to eat. Now that would make headlines!!!

Mummy's New Friend

June Bent is aboard the S.S. Willows and she has recently been awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor. She was (and is) a WASP. A member of the Women's Airforce Service Pilots, who flew bomber missions during WWII. How much better can it be? A WASP delegation, consisting of women bomber pilots and members of St. Mark's congregation.

Mummy has had dinner with her the past couple of nights. It just gets better and better on board the ship. It used to be that she had the stories to tell, but now here comes June. What a world of difference. Forget telling about your daughter's exploits - here's a woman who dropped bombs - and not the F bomb that I dropped recently. I want to be on the ship!!!!!! A world of fantastic women who all own unbelievable antiques and can afford to cruise about unenbumbered by the horrible men who were once in their lives.