HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!

When the Pilgims stepped out onto Plymouth Rock they were starving, diseased, desperate, lonely, cold and generally miserable.  They cursed their captain, their religious leaders, and anyone else within earshot - which was noone.  Imagine this group of religious fanatics deciding that England wasn't good enough, so they went to Holland, and from Leyden set sail for an unknown land in a ship that they got at the bargain basement.  Once they arrived in the "New World" they ravaged the store of corn that the natives had left at Corn Hill in Truro, drank from the clear waters of what is now known as Pilgrim Spring, then jumped back on their lousy boat and rounded the elbow of Cape Cod to set foot at Plymouth.

 From there they proceeded to send pestilence and disease to the peaceful native popluation of Wampanoags, Massasoits, Algonquins, and their friends.  The second year they invited them to a feast where they ate their turkeys, their cranberries, their corn, their squash, and anything else they could beg.

This guy was not on the ship - trust me.  The only reason that I can say all of these terrible things about the Pilgrims is that I am one of them, and my children are descendents of two.  I am even registered as an offical Mayflower descendent.  What in heck does that prove?  That I have managed, after almost four centuries, to throw off the shackles of prejudice, greed, and superiority? 

When the King Philip Wars started, the Pilgrims, and those who arrived on the next ship, decided that they would show those pesky natives how superior they were - they would shoot them with their muskets  The Massasoit chief, Philip, ran a tough show and his peeps were mad.  They scapled any white man or woman they could, they took the pretty women captive, burned entire villages, and generally scared the pants off these religious englishmen.  Wouldn't you have done the same thing?  After centuries of periodic skirmishes with other tribes of people who lived excactly like they did, here come these pale folks who wore stupid clothes, didn't know how to farm, cried and whimpered at the least provocation, and had nothing to add to their life.

I am generally outraged by any demeaning reference to other ethnic groups, but when it is my tribe you are talking about I have free reign, like Jackie Mason or Wanda Sykes.  They can make fun of Jews, Blacks, Lesbians, and get away with it.  My time comes only once a year

"Why were the Pilgram's pants always falling down?"

"They wore their buckles in their hats."

The feast itself has such ritualistic qualities these days.  I can't think of another holiday in my culture where there are such proscribed dishes that we eat.  They vary by region (no marshmallows on my table, thank you] but there are certain elements that travel across the country.  The bird, of course, the mashed potatoes, the stuffing, the pumpkin pie.  Then the variations begin.  Frozen green beans with mushroom soup and canned onions on top?  That recipie is a cruel joke from some Sicilians who are laughing about it to this day.

For my money, the cranberry has to have those little ridges that stay once you take it out of the can, and the stuffing needs to start off in a bag labeled Pepperidge Farm.  The gravy needs to be abundant and made with the pan drippings, not cans of chicken stock, and there must be enough to smother a hot turkey sandwich on soft white bread the next day.  It's really the only day of the year when I eschew the labor intensive home-made variety of certain things.  Pearl onions out of a jar with cream sauce - YUM!!

This is all making me hungry.  Have a great Thanksgiving everyone.